A Liberal’s 2015 Commencement Speech

Congratulations graduates! I sure hope you adjust to after “school life” better than I did. If not, here is some free advice. Take it or leave it, its up to you. This is the opposite of everything I chose to do, so in other words don’t do what I did, as I am a miserable failure.

  1. Take your 20’s and run with it!!! Find a career that makes you happy and intern, sweep floors, get rejected, stand-up again. You will be broke, that’s fine, your in your 20’s, its sexy!! (WARNING: After 27 or so, that sexiness starts to wean into more of a homeless drifter look, see Shia LaBeouf)
  2.  Know you have the strength to handle whatever comes your way, when doors do close, others usually open. You may start off in a career you think you LOVE, then find an “off-shoot” of something you love more. The point is, work your ass off at what you love to do and see what happens. Don’t “do” what others think you should do, do what you love to do. (all hate mail from YOUR parents can be forwarded to MY parents who already know what a pain in the a** daughter they have)
  3. Don’t move for a man/woman. Don’t stay for a man/woman. Don’t invest too much in a relationship right now. I’m not saying don’t have them, go-ahead fall in love, have sex, cry over wine by yourself listening to Journey (okay, that may have just been me). Keep that love of your career/bliss/creativity closer to your heart, it will literally feed you after he/she takes off with your wallet and your cats. (okay, just me again!)
  4. Don’t listen to your parents!! (please see #2’s hate mail instructions) When you are stuck or have a question, find an opinion of someone who has already had experience with that question/career/dilemma you are asking. When you are 30+ and about to have kids, that’s when to ask them again. (unless you have literally turned into a homeless drifter, see Shia Labeouf)
  5. High School Graduates, don’t take out too many student loans. It’s a rigged system. You will be tormented when the mob boss’ henchmen Sallie Mae comes asking for their protection money every month. I’m serious they will break your f**cking legs.
  6. Don’t drink too much or take drugs. See Shia Labeouf.

xo Nicole Myrick, your Lipstick Liberal

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